sharing thoughts

For some reason I feel like I have been avoiding writing over the last week or so, mostly because I feel like I want to give more. I have plenty of beautiful photographs but am feeling without words to accompany them sometimes, like I am letting my reader down, like I should be sharing something more. Alot of the time I do try to capture what it is I am feeling or loving in the actual photograph but I know for myself that when I read other blogs I love to get a little insight into what was happening around them or where the photographer is emotionally. Over the last week I have been working at getting my Christmas card collection together & in doing so, have been looking back over Christmases past. I can't wait to share it with you soon. However, in looking back over the years, It got me thinking alot about where I was myself over those years, with friendships, loves, family, the way I was feeling & it made me also look at where I am now. In looking back, I pulled out some of my old poetry & found a couple of things that I am so glad to have kept because what I was writing about in those poems is where I feel I am now. For many years I suffered from depression, on & off, there was always this sadness inside me that would just not go away! & although I don't rule out being depressed again in my lifetime, at 35, I finally feel different, like that sadness is gone, that I am free of it & that if I was to be down again it would be for a particular reason, not just for the sadness that always existed inside me previously. I want to live a fulfilled life & try to be a good role model for my daughter & believe that in following my passions & doing the things I love to do, I am able to share my passion for life with others & that is fulfilling!!

Sad Song 

(i wrote this poem in my mid 20's, when depression had taken hold again)

Sad song inside my soul 

please won't you go away

I think that you have gone

yet you come back to haunt 

my thoughts today

You cover me with your darkness

and I find myself so blind

I can not seem to find a way

to lead me out to shine, brilliant, 

like the sun i saw today

setting low in the sky

covered with a smoky haze

yet powerful enough to glow

and so, beautifully so

I know I have it in me

so why can't I find the door

maybe I am too impatient

yet you have been here

for years too long

why won't you go away 

and let me live in peace

Where do you get your strength

you twist my brain like spaghetti

until I'm in

a teary tangled mess

Sad song inside my soul

one day you'll be gone

I'll slam the door behind you

I'll throw away the key

I'll run & run & run so fast

into my soul that's free

brilliantly hazy sunset, captured recently

Even just looking over what I have written & what I am sharing amazes me because back in those days & still now to some degree I am a very private person & am unable to talk freely about myself but I do know that I want to share because when others have shared a part of themselves with me I have actually been freed a little. I guess I have come to realise that at 35 even though I am not a great talker, I do have something to share about life with other people & if that is by photographing it & writing about it, I only hope I can only do the same for someone else. Of course I still have my fears, like who the hell do I think I am?, why would anyone want to listen to what I have to say? why would anyone be interested in what I like to do? & I have a fear of being judged & criticised by others but to hell with those fears & those kind of people, after all life in itself, is to be shared. If we keep it to ourselves what kind of living are we actually doing. 

Passion

(i wrote this in my late 20's, when i was feeling empty)

Passion is a sacred energy

an enormous energy

that comes from within

within the walls of our soul

it beams brighter than the sun

it is alive 

it captures our hearts

and makes loved ones see

the beauty that surrounds us

when passion is gone

the heart & soul 

are both cold & alone

at 35 i'm following my passions & feeling free

I'd love to hear about how you feel about sharing & what your passions are? for some its scary, I know, but go ahead & just be you. p.s excuse the poor writing i was never any good at english!