AUSTRALIA DAY You know you're Australian if ... • You believe that stubbies can be either drunk or worn. • You're liable to burst out laughing whenever you hear of Americans "rooting" for something. • You pronounce Melbourne as 'Mel-bin'. You believe the 'L' in the word 'Australia' is optional. • You abbreviate our countries towns and cities, 'BRISSY', 'NEWY', 'COFFS', 'SURFERS', 'ROCKY' and 'THE GONG' • You can translate: 'Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas.' • You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep. • You call your best friend 'a total bastard' but someone you really, truly despise is just 'a bit of a bastard'. • You think 'Woolloomooloo' is a perfectly reasonable name for a place. • You're secretly proud of our killer wildlife. • You believe it makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that's twice as big as its $2 coin. • You understand that 'Wagga Wagga' can be abbreviated to 'Wagga' but 'Woy Woy' can't be called 'Woy'. • You believe that cooked-down axle grease makes a good breakfast spread. You've also squeezed it through Vita Wheats to make little Vegemite worms. • You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they stuff up, at which point they again become Kiwis. • Beetroot with your Hamburger... Of course. • You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during any rendition of the ANGELS' song 'Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again' And "Living next door to Alice". • You believe that the confectionery known as the Wagon Wheel has become smaller with every passing year. • You believe that every important discovery in the world was made by an Australian but then sold off to the Yanks for a pittance. • You believe that the more you shorten someone's name the more you like them. • Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order takeaway fluently in every Asian language. • You understand that 'excuse me' can sound rude, While 'scuse me' is always polite. • You know what it's like to swallow a fly, on occasion via your nose. • You know it's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle and a seat belt buckle becomes a pretty good branding iron. • Your biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules for beach cricket. • You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they call 'ANZAC BISCUITS'. • You still think of Kylie as 'that girl off Neighbours'. • When working on a bar, you understand male customers will feel the need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer. • You know how to abbreviate every word, all of which usually end in -o: arvo, combo, garbo, kero, metho, milko, muso, rego, servo, smoko, speedo, righto, goodo etc. • You know that there is a universal place called "WHOOP-WHOOP" located in the middle of nowhere...no matter where you actually are. • You know that none of us actually drink Fosters beer, because it tastes like shit. But we let the world think we do. Because we can. • You have some time in your life slept with Aeroguard on in the summer. Maybe even as perfume. • You've only ever used the words - tops, ripper, sick, mad, rad, sweet - to mean good. And then you place 'bloody' in front of it when you REALLY mean it. • You know that the barbecue is a political arena; the person holding the tongs is always the boss and usually a man. And the women make the Salad. • You say 'no worries' quite often, whether you realise it or not. • You understand what no wucking furries means. • You've drank your tea/coffee/milo through a Tim Tam. • You own a Bond's chesty. In several different colours. • You know that roo meat tastes pretty good, But not as good as barra. Or a meat pie. • You know that some people pronounce Australia like "Straya" and that's ok. • And you will forward this list to other Australians, here and overseas, realising that only they will understand!!!